Iraqis Call for Withdrawal Timetable; Cheney Threatens Torture

Item:

Iraqi Leaders Urge a Timetable for Eventual Troop Withdrawal

Nov. 21 (Bloomberg) -- Iraqi leaders, meeting at a reconciliation conference in Cairo, urged an end to violence in the country and demanded a timetable for the withdrawal of coalition troops from Iraq.

Cheney responded to this latest outrage almost immediately:

LIMA, OHIO (Rooters) -- Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to Iraqi leadership calls for a withdrawal timetable for coalition forces from Iraq, today claimed the Iraqi request "is yet another attempt by the enemies of freedom to undermine our troops."

Appearing before the small group of Americans who, for some inexplicable reason, still like him, the Vice President chided the Iraqi leadership, calling them "dishonest and reprehensible."

The crowd of 13 hand-picked citizens roared its approval.

"They are aligning themselves with the likes of the Democrat coward, Jack Murtha, who stands with the terrorists," Cheney continued. "These people will stop at nothing to undermine American resolve."

Cheney called for all those demanding withdrawal timelines to be tortured "within an inch of their lives."

"We will not behead them," Cheney noted, "because we are a civilized people. However, we reserve the right to yank out their fingernails, one at a time, with a needlenose pliers and attach highly-charged electrodes to their genitalia."

The small group in attendance rose to its feet, chanting, "Death to the infidels!"

Cheney interrupted the chanting to add, "I have three words for the cowardly traitors in the Iraqi leadership and in the Democratic Party here at home who want to us to cut and run from our mission of bringing democracy and freedom to the people of Iraq. And those three words are, 'Go fuck yourselves!'"

The 13 people began chanting in unison, "Go fuck yourselves!"

Cheney then stalked from the podium, refusing to take reporters' questions.

[Credit to Doc Allen at Daily Kos for the "Go fuck yourself" addendum.]