Can't tell the haters without a scorecard

C'mon, people! Sing along with me!

People...
People who hate people...
Are the luckiest people...
In the world...

I love the haters, cloaking themselves in religion and/or righteousness, wishing death upon those with whom they disagree. Seems to be an increasingly popular activity these days...

Poison Justice Stevens, Coulter jokes

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas (AP) -- Conservative commentator Ann Coulter, speaking at a traditionally black college, joked that Justice John Paul Stevens should be poisoned.

Coulter had told the Philander Smith College audience Thursday that more conservative justices were needed on the Supreme Court to change the current law on abortion.

Stevens is one of the court's most liberal members.

"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee," Coulter said. "That's just a joke, for you in the media."

Robertson suggests God smote Sharon
Evangelist links Israeli leader's stroke to 'dividing God's land'

(CNN) -- Television evangelist Pat Robertson suggested Thursday that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza, which Robertson opposed.

"He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'" Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, "The 700 Club."

"God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,'" he said.

Pat Robertson calls for assassination of Hugo Chavez

VIRGINIA BEACH (AP) — Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested on-air that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

Osama bin Laden Promises More Attacks on United States

Jan. 19, 2006 — Osama bin Laden's threats on a newly released audiotape should be taken very seriously, terrorism experts warned today.

On the tape, bin Laden warns that al Qaeda is making preparations for attacks on the United States. It appears to be the most explicit warning bin Laden has ever made of a pending attack on the United States.

Okay, so here's the scorecard:

• The first quote is from Ann Coulter. She's the 5'-12", bottle-blond, anorexic, Republican cross-dresser with the bulging Adam's Apple (gives her/him away).

• The second and third quotes are from that short-of-stature, eyes-agape, big-eared lunatic, Pat Robertson, who is forever calling upon God to smote those he considers infidels/sinners/enemies.

• The last quote is from the world-renowned hater, Osama bin Laden. When last seen, this tall, anorexic loon was heavily-bearded, wearing cammos, and toting a Kalashnikov. (I know, I know. Could be a description of Castro, too.)

Now, Bush says we should be worried about this third character, the bearded guy, bin Laden. (Even though last year at this time, Bush said he was "not worried about bin Laden"... Go figure.)

Should we be worried about the other two, one of whom is calling for the murder of a Supreme Court Justice, and the other who is calling for the death of one world leader and the murder of another?

See what I mean?

You need a scorecard to keep all these haters straight.

And these folks are just the tip of the iceberg. I had a sit down interview with Christ (the Christ of Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and James Dobson, to name just a few of the haters flying under the fundamentalist banner these days), and even this particular Lord and Savior seemed to be on the hate bandwagon.

(Just a note... He's also a tall, skinny guy with a beard. No camo or Kalashnikov when I spoke with him, though.)

The whole thing gets so damn confusing. Maybe it's time for a simple handbook that can identify these haters, kind of like an Audubon Field Guide except substituting haters for birds or wildflowers or butterflies.

If Coulter grew a beard, donned camos, and tucked her bleached locks under a turban, could you tell her from Osama bin Laden? Just askin'...