Saturday, December 10, 2005

Dean: 'Joe Lieberman's war on Christmas has been lost'

This just in...

Dean says Lieberman's war on Christmas is 'toast'

WASHINGTON (Rooters) - In an effort to unite three key "hot topic" issues currently embroiling politics and the Democratic Party, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean today declared that, "Joe Lieberman's war on Christmas has been lost."

Dean made the comments during an interview on a local radio show. Later, a DNC spokesperson said that Dean's statements were an attempt to "bring together the pertinent political issues of the day into one, big, offensive statement."

In the interview with radio host Bill Methis, Dean noted that Lieberman admitted that he had never had a Christmas tree. Dean said Lieberman, "even refuses to hang stockings from hooks attached to his fireplace mantle. That's just un-American."

When pressed by Methis, Dean said Lieberman had long waged war on Christmas "more by what he doesn't say and do, than by his actual words or actions."

"It's kind of sneaky, when you think about it," Dean said.

When Methis pointed out that Lieberman was an Orthodox Jew, and, thus, unlikely to celebrate Christmas, Dean replied, "Sure, but he's never even had a Nativity scene in his office around the holidays."

Methis could then be heard banging his head against his microphone.

Dean finished by saying, "Lieberman's war on Christmas is toast. Baby Jesus wins."

When reached for comment, Lieberman would only say, "I don't quite understand all this."

Dean said later in the day that he was "just trying to throw all the current crap into one big bowl so Republicans won't know who to shoot at."

"Do they shoot at Lieberman because he's anti-Christmas," Dean asked, "or do they praise him because he backs their position on the war? And what do they do about me? I sound like I'm backing O'Reilly's inane 'War on Christmas' nonsense."

Dean then laughed so hard that his eyes teared up, his body shook, and he gasped for breath.


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