Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Hillary Clinton to quit Senate

Sen. Clinton co-sponsors anti-flag burning law

WASHINGTON (AP) _ Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is supporting new legislation to criminalize desecration of the United States flag _ though she still opposes a constitutional ban on flag attacks.

Clinton, D-N.Y., has agreed to co-sponsor a measure by Republican Sen. Bob Bennett of Utah, which has been written in hopes of surviving any constitutional challenge following a 2003 Supreme Court ruling on the subject.

There has been speculation that Senator Clinton co-sponsored this legislation to burnish her centrist/moderate credentials for conservative southern, midwestern and western voters ahead of an `08 presidential run. I, for one, didn't believe that explanation, instead, viewing Clinton's co-sponsorship of this measure as a reasonable expression of a patriotic Senator.

But then I read this...

Sen. Clinton opts out of Senate race to become NASCAR driver, elk hunter, bass fisherwoman

WASHINGTON (Rooters) _ Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton today stunned her Senate colleagues and New York voters by announcing that she will not continue her quest for a second term as New York's junior senator.

Appearing at a Capitol Hill press conference in a NASCAR cap memorializing the #3 of the late stock car driver, Dale Earnhardt, and sporting a satin jacket adorned with the logos of the Penske Racing Team and its myriad of sponsors, Clinton said she was quitting the Senate to pursue her "long held dream of becoming a stock car racer."

"I've always been in love with the smell of the pits, the roar of the engines, the flat-out, white-knuckle speed of stock car racing," Clinton said, in announcing the withdrawal of her candidacy for a second term. "This has been a secret passion of mine for many, many years, as have elk hunting and bass fishing."

Her Senate colleague from New York, Charles Schumer, was baffled by her announcement.

"It must have been a double secret passion," Schumer said. "I've been around Hillary quite a bit over the past six years and I can't recall her ever mentioning NASCAR or stock car racing. Nevermind bass fishing or elk hunting."

Former President Bill Clinton noted that his wife harbors a number of secret of passions which might surprise voters.

"She's always got a chaw in her mouth when we're working around the house," the former president said. "I have to practically follow her around with a spitoon."

In response to questions from reporters, Senator Clinton denied that her decision to quit the Senate to drive stock cars was part of a political strategy designed to knock down her image as a liberal while attracting conservative voters in southern, midwestern and western states.

"Absolutely not," Clinton said, adamantly, in repsonse to one question, while donning a pair of mirrored sunglasses. "I love hunting and fishing and stock car racing. I can't wait to gut an elk, filet a bass and put the pedal to the metal. Oh, and I love Jesus, too."

At that, Clinton began singing a gospel song, clapping her hands, waving them over her head while swaying back and forth, and asking press corp members and others in attendance join in.

A spokesman for the Penske Racing Team said that Clinton would be an integral part of their plans for the 2006 season.

"We've run her through our usual battery of tests and she shows good reactions and a nice sense of the road," said Travis Bickle, Director of Media Relations for Penske. "She's got a ways to go to learn the ins and outs of stock car racing, and I imagine that a few of the boys will have some fun with her out on the race track, but we think she's the real deal. And she brings a ton of publicity to the team and the sport. That's all good."

Former Clinton presidential political advisor, James Carville, called Clinton's move "brilliant politics."

Said Carville, "Look, a sitting senator generally gets his or her rear end kicked in a presidential race, anyway. So this move takes her out of that Beltway sphere and puts her right into the mix where she needs to be. To tell you the truth, if I was Bill Clinton, I'd be a little careful around her when she had a rifle in her hands."

Are Hillary in `08 bumperstickers against a confederate flag backdrop far behind?


At 12/08/2005 11:21 PM, Blogger Daniel S. said...

If only that were so.

At 12/08/2005 11:26 PM, Blogger Daniel S. said...

I'm still laughing at this one. Are you sure you're not Jon Stewart?

At 12/09/2005 2:27 PM, Blogger bloggy the weasel said...

Damn, just as our nation cries out for an elk hunting, bass fishing, stock car driving woman President. Dumb luck that.

At 12/10/2005 1:24 PM, Blogger pkstudios said...

""She's always got a chaw in her mouth when we're working around the house," the former president said. "I have to practically follow her around with a spitoon.""

That's why I said you were my favorite Kos poster, Bob - great work you funny mutha, you...

Love always,


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